Saturday, January 1, 2011

Starting Over All Over Again

I never seem to be satisfied with any of my toons anymore. Maybe that's why I'm an altoholic. Don't get me wrong, I love the game. The time I spend playing is a lot of fun to me. But when I look at my character selection screen I just can't decide. More often than not I press the "Create New Character" button. Is it wrong to just want to start all over fresh again and again?

Maybe it's a case of "your first love is your best love" and it'll never feel the same again. Maybe I'm searching for that feeling. I get it briefly when making a new toon and playing it for the first few levels, but the love quickly fades. Then what?

I think part of the disconnect is being guildless. If it weren't for a few people, I'd probably have switched realms again a long time ago. More and more, when I log on my toons on Cairne I feel as though I'm only going through the motions. More and more, I just want to de-clutter and delete all of my high level toons.

I'm not really going to do anything dramatic like that. I know I'd probably regret it. But the urge is there.

I've been through this before. I've server hopped before. I ended up coming back to Cairne. What makes this time different?

Maybe its the feeling that I just don't care about end-game at all anymore... Viva would have been 85 a long time ago, if I wanted her to be. I've been deliberately avoiding playing her because I'm afraid of hitting the dreaded level-cap. How backwards is that?

What is even more frightening to me is the feeling that I'm becoming more and more of a soloist. I love people. I like to socialize. But when I'm questing I'd rather go it alone, that way I won't feel guilty wandering off of the beaten path to mine or do some archaeology or just smell the roses. It feels as though everyone is always just rushing to hit the next level, and Blizzard has rewarded this behavior by making everything give Exp. Sometimes I just want to turn Exp gains off.

I want a guild to socialize in, but that's about all I want it for. I'm turning into Gevlon's M&S, I suppose. Is that wrong? Does that somehow make me bad? Gevlon would say it is and it does.

My partner in crime would ask me to join his guild, but how much in common will I have with a group of people that are focused on end-game? Not much, I don't think. Honestly, I think I probably have very little in common with the majority of people who play WoW altogether. Considering that I'm such an unusual person, I have no idea how to find a guild of like-minded people. All guilds seem to eventually end up focusing on end-game or disbanding.

Anyone else feeling like I'm feeling?